Jobs for the Discriminating Modern Hobo, pt. deux

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JOB APPLICATIONS
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General tips for dealing with gaps in employment history, long stretches of unemployment, lack of experience and lack of references ........

** If you've been out of work for awhile, one technique to consider is to list yourself as currently employed with a local business, then state that you do not want them contacted as they are not aware you are seeking another job. This is quite common practice, though one way it may backfire is that the employer will ask you if they can be contacted upon an offer of employment.......so this is not a universally reliable technique, but it can be worth a shot.

** A better technique for dealing with gaps in employment history is to look up a business in the area that you were in at the time, that has since closed down. Say you were employed there. With the business being shut down, of course you cannot provide contact information ... I would suggest not trying this more than once, of course. Also works much better, obviously, with a small local restaurant or coffee shop or store than with a national chain that my have some sort of centralized nationwide HR system .....

** A quick word about services such as Choicepoint and Unicru - businesses such as these are now aggregating employment history (at least, whatever is reported to them by businesses that use them and what they can pull off your credit report). If you've worked for some sort of large corporation chances are that they've reported you. If the company you are applying to uses a service like this, this is something to keep in mind when arranging any bullshit......

** Local personal/character references are a great help, at times possibly a necessity. Say you are brand new to an area, however, or have been flying solo for some time ..... one quick way to generate a glowing reference is to do some volunteer work. There is never a shortage of need for volunteers in any area. Some suggestions - Local soup kitchens are perenially in need of servers, dishwashers and sometimes delivery drivers to bring boxes of food to seniors in the community. Libraries are often looking for shelvers and book menders. Animal shelters frequently need people to "readjust" pets to life with humans - often this involves just sitting in a room in the shelter watching TV or something with them. Wildlife sanctuaries / preserves and national parks in your area are also an interesting possibility to look up.

One that I heartily reccomend (and that I do myself) is adult literacy tutoring. These programs are often run through the local library system and are starved for volunteers. As to reasons why, I refer you to this John Taylor Gatto quote from his book "The Undergound History of American Education" - "Once you trust yourself to go mind-to-mind with great intellects, artists, scientists, warriors, and philosophers, you are finally free. In America, before we had forced schooling, an astonishing range of unlikely people knew reading was like Samson’s locks—something that could help make them formidable, that could teach them their rights and how to defend those rights, could lead them toward self-determination, free from intimidation by experts. These same unlikely people knew that the power bestowed through reading could give them insight into the ways of the human heart, so they would not be cheated or fooled so easily, and that it could provide an inexhaustible store of useful knowledge—advice on how to do just about anything." Something to consider.

Volunteer work can also be used to fill in a "slot" on an application. Most of these applications now ask for information about your last 3 to 5 jobs. If you read the small print, it also usually says "..to include volunteer work, unpaid internships, etc.". So if you've got some jobs in that mix that are shaky as far as references go, you could use some volunteer work to "push them down" off the list, so to speak.

** Say you have an employer in your past that you know will give you a poor reference. This is not necessarily cause for despair. For one thing, employers are very nervous about being sued for providing defamatory information about previous employees. Often they will limit what they say to simple "Yes/No" answers, verifying only that you were employed at the times you said you were, and whether or not they would hire you again. Now, there are many reasons why they might not hire you again that are entirely not your fault. Such things can be discussed at a second interview or over the phone with the interviewer. Your previous employers should know better than to go in to gory detail about your period of employment, and some won't do anything at all but verify your employment out of fear of legal reprisals.

Turnover is always high in low-wage jobs, and if your bad reference is from more than 2 or 3 years ago, odds are the managers who were there at the time have moved on anyway.

One way to check and see exactly what is being said about you is to call the employer yourself, or have a friend call, and pose as a human resources clerk from some fictitious business.

** If you left a place on good terms, and got to be buddies with one of the managers, one possibility is to call them and ask if you can "stretch" your time there to cover a period of unemployment. For example say you left in May, and stayed out of work until November. Call and ask the person if you can just say that you worked until October or November. Just be sure to direct the interviewer specifically to the manager that you are cool with ....

** I covered contact information in the first bit, but just to recap quickly - if you're broke and need a phone number, get a RingCentral account or similar (and a free email at Yahoo if you don't have one). Use library computers and a cheap pair of earphones (1 dollar at any dollar store) to check your messages via email. Come up with a fake adress that's plausible - a large apartment complex is usually good. Kinkos often have a phone you can use for free local calls. Look also for job search centers in your area - they nearly always have phones you can use to call employers. If you need a mailing adress, look for small offbeat mail places that rent boxes for $10-12 a month.

** Two things you will probably need to work - state ID and a social security card. The Soc. Sec. card is free from any branch office, but it will take 2 or 3 weeks to mail to you. The state ID varies widely by where you are. Generally, though, they don't care if you hold a driver's license in another state. Here in California for example, I know they don't even check. You walk in to any DMV office, fill out a little form, pay $21.00 (organizations such as St. Vincent De Paul will give you a check to get an ID card - check around with your area's social services), show either a passport or a birth certificate and social security card, then you wait 3 weeks or so for it to be mailed. In the interim you get a receipt stating that you're waiting for it, which is good enough for jobs if you explain you just moved or lost it or something.

If you already have ID in another state, you can of course claim you just moved and haven't bothered to change IDs yet. My former roommate lived in Boston for 3 years with a Connecticut driver's license - he got his job with it when he first moved there, didn't ever own a vehicle or drive anywhere, so he never really had a reason to bother to change it.

On a side note - if you don't have a passport, I strongly suggest you go about arranging for one. You never know when you might want to jet from the U.S.

** Needless to say, if you are putting together a package of B.S. , be sure you got everything sorted out ahead of time. If you've altered your work biography, memorize it. It is good to have some anecdotes on hand as well. They'll ask about these places - how you liked it, what was your favorite part of working there, what you liked the least, etc.





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THE JOB INTERVIEW - COMMON QUESTIONS
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At this point my original plan was to list questions I've commonly encountered when being interviewed, as well as a stock supply of generic replies that will allow you to skate through 
 easily. I've decided against this approach, however. First of all, it would be entirely too time-consuming. Not only that, most of my answers are wrapped up in personal experiences that are hard to translate to general terms.

Instead, here is a page that contains a good listing of nearly every generic interview question I've ever heard. What I think is best is to look over a list like this, and formulate answers ahead of time. I suggest a liberal mixing of bullshit and reality that goes down smooth.

Low-wage job interviews are rarely ever demanding. At one store I worked at, I had the opportunity to look over the page of questions where the interviewing manager had recorded my replies - not only had she misspelled many words, but she'd recorded only nonsensical random-seeming fragments of my answers to each question. Confidence and an easy conversational manner is much more important than what you actually have to say, apparently.

If you are applying to some sort of corporate chain, a bit of judicious hunting about the Internet may well turn up the *exact* questions that they use in an interview. As a starting point, those "Business X Sucks" sites may well turn out to be a treasure trove of insider information posted by disgruntled employees.

Most of these places are ready to hire you as soon as you've filled out the paperwork anyway, the interview questions are just something forced on them by Corporate. Keep it brief and don't say anything too outrageous and you'll be fine.